June 2009

Love, various odd permutations of it, is in the air for our weird and wonderful world. Here is this month's compilation

Hats off (and clothes off) to you, sir
Dave Douglas is manager of strip club Secrets in London. Mr Douglas is also a devoted Christian. He claims he’s never been tempted by the girls at his workplace and attends church when work hours permit. Mr Douglas firmly believes that marriage should come before sex and admits to never having a girlfriend or sexual relations. Really?! Tell us your 'secrets' Dave! (sorry)

Why use match.com when you can do it yourself?
52weeks2findhim.com is 43 year old Neenah Pickett’s pitch to find a husband by the end of 2009. This Big-Brother-meets-Wright-Stuff DIY site details her wants, woes, and wonders complete with a ‘HIMs’ section for potentials to apply for a date. It invites the viewer to participate and actually advise on decisions which affect her search and weekly goals. Hmm, public guinea pig, or real life message in a bottle? Good luck Neenah!

Husband-Hunting Bra anyone?
If doing it yourself doesn’t work, the boob people Triumph have invented a bra that actually counts down the minutes to your big day for you. You simply set it to your target deadline and only the insertion of an engagement ring terminates it. The novelty doesn’t stop there though: once you’ve found the one to open your chastity… erm bra to, it also has a handy pen holder to help you with the signing of a pre-nuptial agreement! Wonder if Marks and Sparks stock them?

You may now kiss the bride
Katy Kruger, 22, got married on December 13th which was also the day she had her first kiss. Confessing that she wasn’t sure what to do on the day, she remained glad afterwards to have saved it. This takes the purity pledge to a whole new level, especially in this age where it’s rare for Christians to even abide by the ‘third-base rule’. That rule still exists right…? Tip for Katy: less is more (slobber, that is).

Forget Atkins, I’m on the McDonald’s Diet
Californian Doug Logeais mananged to lose weight by putting himself on a diet of pure MacDonald's for 30 days. OK, he only went for the 'healthy options', but he nevertheless shed an impressive 7kg as a result! ‘Everything in moderation’ with the occasional treat, was how his miracle weight fix was achieved. And the catch is? Actually, just exercise. What better way to trim the winter muffin top than some guilt-free Maccy D’s to attract the summer mate? So step aside Jen Aniston – 'I’m lovin’ this!'

YouTube’ll fix it!
Marc Stephens from Cornwall bravely delivered his baby last month armed only with knowledge he’d gleaned from watching YouTube and reading books, just in case of an emergency. And this certainly came handy when, just hours later, his wife woke in the night experiencing frequent contractions. Before the midwife and ambulance could arrive, Mr Stephens had delivered all 5lbs 5oz of Gabriel, their latest edition to the family, all by himself. Bravo!

Love at first bite?
A type of rat snake was recovered from a toilet in Taiwan after it had bitten a poor man’s penis. After suddenly suffering a sharp pain as he sat down to do the do, the casualty was taken to hospital and treated for the reptile bite, or should that be ‘love bite’? Perhaps it was a case of mistaken identity eh? Ouch!